i dont understand how they can do such stuff.
how much more childish can they get?
dont they ever think of other's feelings?
of their own actions?
do they ever think?
why can some people still smile and laugh when such things have happened?
why is it that they let themselves get pushed over,
and let others laugh at their expense?

why do some classes get the best teachers,
while other classes get the not so good?
why is it that the only time we get to see our form teacher is when he comes in to scold us?
why is it that thats the only way we get to see him and hear him?
why is it that he can be so close to other classes,
but so distant from his form class?
why is it that we have so many form teachers,
but none of them cares?
why is it that he would rather say in other classes,
than stay in ours?
are we that bad?
that detestable?
that irritating?

i thought he believed that we were kind and compassionate at heart?
are these all just lies?
is it really true that its no use believing?
am i to really give up hope?
what will happen to our dreams and aspirations?
are they just to go up in smoke?


disappointed.
you're disappointed,
im disappointed too.


i believe in retribution.
you do that to others,
you will get your retribution.


after talking to steph,
i realise that what all of us is looking for in life is a place where we can fit in.
a place that we can truly feel that we are part of.

once, i felt that i was part of the band.
everything the band did, i was involved, a part of it.
but now, what have i got?
after graduating from band, i felt that i dont belong there anymore.
its just that the feeling is not right.
the seat's not mine,
the instrument's not mine.
even the way the conductor looks at you.
with the kind of what-are-you-doing-here look.
that expression in their eyes.
their tone of voice.
the displeasure is evident.

so what if i still return after graduation?
its only to visit.
the feeling is different.
no longer will i fit in, have a place to call my own.
a place where i truly feel i belong.