my brain is a messy place

it actually just dawned on me that its the last 5 weeks exams begin in the third week of May which is just 4 weeks away and then its 10 days of exams one day for graduation and approximately 2 weeks before i'm home i want to go to brisbane for eunice's birthday but i cant my presentation is next week and nothing is done yet and my essay is due soon and i have only written two paragraphs and screw the stupid sources and references why am i being penalised for being able to write properly why is it that i have to find a source to reference something i came up with in my own words just so i wont get accused of plagiarism wth i just want to get this over and done with essay presentation the imu person said the next online interview is in May i really really hope i get in i don't think i ever wanted anything more than this ever in my life i dont know i dont want to think about the future it scares me but i have to i dont want to write my essay i dont want to prepare for the presentation i dont want to have to do maths anymore but i want to do maths and chem and bio but i dont feel like it wth why is this coming out like that i think i was really dumb in secondary school or sr because what i couldnt understand is actually really simple it surprises me how terrible dense i was and maybe still am but argh i think im scared i need courage is this the right thing what would happen will i regret it what should i do is it this way or that how would i ever know do i dare to take that path i should get down to doing either trigo or the essay or start on my presentation i want a red scarf and proper shoes to keep me warm my toes are freezing okay this is the end bye